May 26, 2016 by gregrabidoux2013
Since the truth didn’t seem to be working well for ISIS recruiters-Never ending misery, no pay, daily violence, blowing one’s self up for a promised down the road glory-the creative folks at “Deep in Some Secret Bunker, Inc.” have decided to turn the propaganda page.
Their new ploy?
Kittens, cotton candy and chocolate. Nutella chocolate to be exact.
Seriously. Would I kid about such culturally revered items?
Nope. Not even for all those vestial virgins on the “other side” who are now apparently awaiting newly minted martyrs with cuddly kittens and spreadable chocolate.
Let me see if I can explain.
Since it seems that ISIS terrorists, when not terrorizing the rest of the world, spend nearly every waking moment on the internet, they know full well that the way to one’s heart is through adorable kittens. And ideally, kittens doing funny and amusing things.
If you doubt this, simply check with the stat-nerds at YouTube and you will find that the videos that most often go viral and on average get the most “hits” are, well, anything and everything to do with kittens.
Well, the persuasive power of chocolate has always been well known to anyone with a Valentine’s Day agenda and it’s no coincidence that American GIs gave out chocolate bars to both allies and enemies shortly after WW2. Sure, celery sticks and carrots may be healthier but it was friendships they were cultivating not reducing waistlines.
So, um, armed with these simple truths about the persuasive power of kittens, chocolate and cotton candy (okay, the last one is a bit random but it is still a gooey, sugary, guilty pleasure at your local fun-fair, right?) ISIS terror-pushers have taken to the internet recenty with lots of downloadable images of their terorrists (they prefer the term freedom fighters, I don’t really care about their preferences) posing with cans of Nutella, holding kittens and literally handing out cotton candy to children.
In fact, some of their recruitment “posters” have the tag-line-“Come join us and have as much cotton candy as you want.”
Gee, what kid or even a fun-loving, sugary-addicted adult could say no to that offer?
ISIS observers have noted that recently ISIS has, in addition to set-backs on the battlefield, been suffering blows to their image. It seems several western, radicalized females have been returning to the west and essentially spilling the beans… (Caution spoiler alert coming) that life in ISIS ain’t all what it is cracked up to be (see above for brief description/summary of ISIS life).
I know, what a shocker, right?
So, our esteemed scholars and experts on ISIS tell us that by flooding the internet with more “youth friendly” poses, ISIS will soften its image as, you know, terrorist killers and be seen, especially by younger recruits as lovable, sympathetic figures.
Or, at least that’s the plan.
But have no fear. The deep thinkers in Hollywood, those same folks who brought us Adam Sandler and Kevin James peeing in the pool (GrownUps) and Ben Affleck mumbling something or other as Batman (Batman v Superman) are being approached by those kitten-hating folks at the CIA and those not-so funny FBI boys to counter these recent ISIS propaganda ploys.
No joker, er, joke.
Hollywood earned a lot of goodwill during and just after WW2 as they churned out heavily-laden propaganda films with tough guy heroes like John Wayne. Leaving no doubt that we were doing the right and noble thing. Then and now.
Hollywood is getting a new box of scripts. No more fuzzy politics. No more lines of gray.
Tom, you have a new Mission and it starts by picking out a lovable but gruff dog.
George, forget that liberal goo you do, grab a box of chocolates, a golden lab retriever and a big gun. Time to hit the desert and even the score.
Angelina, enough with all those complicated, confusing plotlines. Time to pick a side. And tell Brad to start holding a cuddly kitten.
All is fair in love and war.
And this new chapter is all about myth-making, hero-worship and unforgettable screen images. And puppies, lots of puppies.
In other words, this battle will be fought on our terms.
I never did like kittens anyway.
And besides, we’ll be in safe hands at the top.
Please pass the strawberry jam, I’ve decided to boycott Nutella.