June 11, 2014 by gregrabidoux2013
The Texas GOP recently approved a new plank to its party platform. This one is called “Reparative Therapy.” The premise is simple. At least to all of these Texas straight-shooters. Gays are broke. So, thinks the TX GOP, I will ensure that “No More Gay” therapy is available in my rawhide state so those gays (probably moved there from California) can get fixed. Proper like. No need to thank me Ma’am. I’ll just mosey back into the sagebrush with nothing but my horse and my rather buff, trusted male side-kick Tonto. On second thought, maybe I should take these open-aired chaps off. Just in case.
Maybe you are wondering just what is involved in “reparative therapy?”
Well, similar to the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous, it too is based on taking steps towards a new lifestyle. So, soon you will go from sipping a cabernet and noshing back delicate pieces of sushi in San Francisco to say hanging out with guys that look a lot like Larry the “Get ‘er done” Cable Guy in a beer-filled man-cave.
The actual steps are largely based on a 1991 book published by Joseph Nicolisi and Elizabeth Moberly called Reparative Therapy of Male Homosexuality. In part, the therapy involves certain actions the “gay patient” must take to get rid of the homosexual poison.
This includes; 1) Taking part in sports, the more masculine, like football, the better (Gee, Michael Sam the openly gay former U of Missouri football player just drafted by the NFL St. Louis Rams should be “cured” by now, No?)
2) Avoid homosexual activities like operas, museums and art galleries like the gay plague that they are (My wife and I need to talk, exactly what is she up to making us go to the opera and (gasp) the ballet at the Kennedy Center and the National Art Gallery?
She better not leave me alone for too long I am told the therapy can be reversed and then where would I be? No friend of the Texas GOP I imagine.
3) Avoid women as friends (what?) unless for romantic or sexual reasons (oh, okay, wait, what are we advocating here, being a run of the mill rap star?)
4) Mimic heterosexual behavior (This may explain Justin Bieber grabbing his crotch a lot on stage lately, just speculating a bit here).
Then 5-8 are essentially; go to church, flirt, date (may want to avoid some catholic priests in the news lately) engage in sexual activity, get married, father children, and join a support group for any “slips” back into the gay-life (you know, sneaking off to see La Boheme by yourself, see, see what a little opera here and there can do to a guy?).
But if you are married and have fathered a child, isn’t it a little late to be “slipping?”
Ok. No matter. The American Medical Association, the American Psychiatric Association and the American Psychological Association all discredit and condemn such “therapy” as dangerous. They assert that even exposing anyone (LGBT) to such steps can lead to further isolation, depression and suicidal tendencies. I am told these three “downers” tend to attach themselves to folks who are made to believe they are “broken” and in need of getting “fixed.” Maybe not as painful as when we “fix” puppies but then they probably felt they were fine the way they were before they got a blast of “therapy” too.
Not so fast, all you Cosmopolitan-drinking “Sex in the City,” Modern Family (well, the one gay couple at last) groupies, says Cathie Adams, the very straight ( I assume) director of the Texas Eagle Forum. She says that a gay dude told her that he was gay but had the therapy and faster than you can say Ru Paul he is now straighter than a Texas sunset. That was all Cathie needed to hear and she and advocates of the therapy were off and running to the nearest political convention to get that controversial plank inserted in the TX GOP party platform.
In response to fellow GOP leaders like NJ Governor Chris Christie banning such therapy at least for LGBT minors, Ms. Adams says that getting fixed is an issue of “personal freedom” and that freedom is what makes America, America. Well, just not with all of those gays attending all those wine and cheese gallery openings. Or so I am told.
But more to the point, will this recent adoption by at the very least, a highly controversial and frequently discredited “therapy” lose the TX GOP votes?
Probably not. The TX GOP is not, as I understand it, a (pardon the expression) “hot-bed” of LGBT activists, enthusiasts and supporters.
On the other hand, over 10,000 GOP party faithful gleefully (no, that’s not the right word here) very manly and in a straight-forward manner approved this party measure. So, it seems to be hitting the right note (but not in a Broadway Show-tunes sort of way) with key party activists. And that my friends is true political freedom. Discredited be danged.
I just have my doubts about how Texas lesbians will react to a therapy that calls for them to not even have women as friends. I guess they’ll tinker a bit with Joe and Elizabeth’s blue-print. As one advocate for the therapy said, queers like that Ellen should mimic real women like Kim K (Kardashian). Yes, as has become obvious from her notorious sex tape, we all can, perhaps, learn something from Mrs. Kimye West. But that may not be the mimicry the TX GOP had in mind for Ellen.
No matter, something tells me they’re more concerned about making sure all of their cowboys, um, shoot straight.
As for me, well, it’s time to check in on VP Joe Biden, he’s probably said something funny and threatening to national security lately. And then I’ll hit the Gym with my fellow manly-men. No opera this evening. It’s therapy night for the cast.